🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but she is trying to be. She makes vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to generate income from your passions. I admire people on social platforms who execute that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of offering access, giving her a opportunity to witness exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in collaboration, and having Beth around makes projects lively and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about control, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: is Marielle over-exposing their friendship?